i love accidental penises.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It's just like the Real World with babies
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize