Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
