Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
