Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
