sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
