this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
