I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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