she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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