At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My life is pants optional.
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