It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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