she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
