My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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