and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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