I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
