It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
