Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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