the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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