obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
