it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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