I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
