you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
