he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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