We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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