is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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