Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
