And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
