Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
