I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
