Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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