She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
