Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
