Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
