You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
