True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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