Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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