Can Purell be used as lube?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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