I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
two words: eviction party
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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