She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
