i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize