My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
