I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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