I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize