I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
