I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
