I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
