We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
