i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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