His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
