The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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