He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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