im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
