i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
