Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
