I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
