Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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