somebody snuck up and got me drunk
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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