The maid of honor just puked.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
