ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
