Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
