this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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