She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
