You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
