Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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