I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
