i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
