I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
