Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize