i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
