We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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