Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
