If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
