One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize