we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
