I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
