I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Did you just see the Batmobile???
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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