I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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