I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
