i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
