I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
