What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
