She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
