Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize