2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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