with your own penis?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
