he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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