I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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