remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
