Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
