one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
